Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics

P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and A stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.

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P: : Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

A: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

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P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.

A: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

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P: Something loose in cockpit.

A: Something tightened in cockpit.

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P: Dead bugs on windshield.

A: Live bugs on backorder.

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P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.

A: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

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P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

A: Evidence removed.

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P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

A: DME volume set to more believable level.

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P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

A: That's what they're there for!

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P: IFF inoperative.

A: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

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P: Suspected crack in windscreen.

A: Suspect you're right.

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P: Number 3 engine missing.

A: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

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P: Aircraft handles funny.

A: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

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P: Radar hums.

A: Reprogrammed radar with words.

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P: Mouse in cockpit.

A: Cat installed.

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