Male Sexist Jokes (They are all true!)

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?

A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

*

Q: Why is a Laundrette a really bad place to pick up a woman?

A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

*

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?

A: It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

*

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me . . ."

*

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?

A: You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

*

Q: Why do men fart more than women?

A: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

*

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?

A: The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

*

Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A: A woman that won't do what she's told.

*

I married Miss Right.I just didn't know her first name was Always.

*

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.I don't like to interrupt her.

*

Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?

A: Divorced.

*

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It is called Wedding Cake.

*

Marriage is a 3 ring circus.

Engagement Ring,

Wedding Ring,

Suffering.

*

Our last fight was my fault.

My wife asked me, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Mostly, dust!"

*

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

*

Q: Why do men die before their wives?

A: They want to.

* AMEN!